


A World Alone

by madelinewrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Death, Grief, M/M, Mourning, Sad, very very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7681795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinewrites/pseuds/madelinewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Where Castiel remains dead and Sam remains in Hell during the fight of Armageddon, and Dean is left to deal with life without them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A World Alone

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I like to call this “the AU that absolutely no one wanted”… yet I was inspired to write it. It is very sad and angsty, so be warned, it is not my usual fluff. I still think it is very enjoyable though, so…enjoy! Of course feedback is ADORED

**“I took a photo of us mid-embrace. When I am old and alone, I will remember that I once held something truly beautiful.” — _Joe Dunthorne, Submarine._**

           Dean sat in his comfortable recliner, in his comfortable den, living a comfortable a life. He could hear his grandchildren whining to their father in the next room, but instead of helping out like usual, he sat with his beer in hand. Ben could handle it, he had to learn how to be a good father sooner or later. It might as well be while Dean was too busy stuffing down his emotions to help.

           Lisa always said that he needed to just mourn, deal with the loss from all those years ago. It was strange, though, it didn’t feel as though any time had passed at all. The image of his brother falling into that pit, his sweet angel being blown to pieces, the whole scene hard to view through his puffy, black eye; the memory still made his head swim as though it was just some bad dream he had yet to shake off. He wondered if there was still a trace of the Sam he knew somewhere down in the flames, or if by then he wouldn’t be much more than a vegetable if he were to come back. He certainly hadn’t been the same since his short visit to hell, he couldn’t imagine what state Sam would be in.

           He wondered if there was any trace of Cas left in the universe. This, he had to believe. There had to be something, some sort of angel spirit that went to an exclusive part of Heaven. He couldn’t just be _gone_. He couldn’t. Dean wondered what Cas’ heaven would be like. He wondered if he would be in it. Dean imagined it must be true, seeing as Dean could only find happiness in a place where Cas was. Dean was only happy when he thought of Cas, even if the thoughts were always followed by sickening reality. He couldn’t imagine a world without Cas even as he was living in one.

           “Grandpa!” the child said, storming into Dean’s somber thoughts. “Dad said I can’t climb in your car but you always let me do it so I don’t get why- “

           “Samuel,” Dean said, still refusing to call him Sam or Sammy even after his ten years of life. He would never be his brother, and though Ben named him with kind sentiment, Dean wasn’t fond of the copying; it didn’t bring Sammy back, it didn’t stop his torture, it just tarnished his name as if Sam Winchester was someone who could be replaced. Dean loved Ben and Lisa and the grandkids like a man lost at sea would love finding an island; better than drowning, but it’s not home.

           “What?” Samuel asked his dark eyes and hair a complete copy of Ben’s. He was always quite earnest, a good kid. Dean knew it wasn’t his fault, but he just couldn’t manage to fully open himself to the kid. Though he had no true shared blood with the Winchester’s, he got this look in his eyes sometimes that made Dean feel sick; it was the same look Sammy had worn in his backwards attempt to save the world. Unwavering, bullet-proof determination.

           “I just need some quiet. I just wanna drink my beer, listen to my music, and not have chaos around me all the damn time.” Dean sipped his beer, closing his eyes as they began to glaze over. Samuel didn’t say anything, but Dean could hear him quietly step to the sofa across from him.

           “Dad said that today was a hard day for you,” Samuel divulged. “Why? Are you sad Grandpa?”

           Dean blinked open his eyes, waiting a moment to make sure his voice would be steady enough to answer. What was he supposed to say? How could he explain that he was annihilated into a million little pieces, and he could only scrounge up enough of him to barely survive? That the grandpa Samuel knew was not who Dean really was, but some shell of a broken-hearted man?

           “I don’t know if sad cuts it,” Dean finally answered, taking another swig of his beer. Samuel was silent for a while, staring at Dean as though he expected more. His eyes began to wander around Dean’s little haven. He kept it dark, with a little radio in the corner playing nothing but sad rock. It hadn’t been cleaned in months, the dust beginning to build up. Dean felt just as dusty, as though there were pounds of debris just weighing on him always. Samuel’s eyes focused on a picture in the corner, and he looked puzzled.

           “Who’s that?” Samuel inquired, pointing the photo of Dean and his angel. Dean swallowed.

           “That’s me and a good friend of mine. Castiel,” Dean whispered hoarsely.

           “Why are you hugging?”

           Dean smirked slightly at the question. Why were they hugging? They had come back from some life or death moment and had lucked out and lived. It made sense, thankfulness that they survived causing them to collide and grasp each other. It was more than just that, though, he and Cas both knew it. Dean wondered if Sam did too, as for some reason he had snapped a photo of them mid-hug all those years ago. Back then he would have teased Sam for being so sentimental, but now he couldn’t be more thankful. Sam couldn’t have known what a gift that was. It was the only picture Dean could find of Cas.

           “I loved him.” Dean’s reply was soft, barely audible, but Samuel reacted as though it was shouted.

           “ _Loved him?_ “

           Dean kept his eyes on the photo, smiling a little more.

           “He was something else, kid, I don’t know how to explain it. He’s not just some guy, he was sent to me. **There’s an interesting story behind that** ,” Dean laughed, feeling a little more like himself.

           “Sent to you? How?” Samuel was entirely lost, seeing a side of his grandpa he couldn’t understand.

           “Sent to me. He hauled me out of Hell too,” Dean bragged, leaning forward. “I made an actual angel disobey _God_.”

           “Wait, he is an _angel?_ ” Samuel was incredulous, eyes as big as the moon.

           “Yup. Or well, was I guess. My own personal angel. You know in other relationships; angel is just a sweet nickname. Nope, not for us. Not for our screwed up lives.” Dean shook his head, sadness once more taking over him. It wasn’t worth it; the fleeting moments of happiness were to quickly replaced by heavy pangs of grief.

           “He died?” Samuel asked innocently, not understanding how profound the effects of his question could be. Dean just nodded, a tear gliding down his face.

           “Yeah, or well, was entirely annihilated,” Dean laughed with no humor. “See most people, they die, then they get to go to the pearly gates and live out their eternity with puppies and rainbows and…bees. But for Cas? No, of course not. He has to just completely not exist. No additional heaven just for the winged assholes. When they’re done, they’re done. Oh and Sammy? You know my brother, the one who didn’t have a single evil bone in his body? Yeah well he’s rotting in hell, probably being bat around a cage with Lucifer. The system is really working, obviously. You know when two of the most pure-hearted people to ever be don’t get that sweet, comfy Heaven they deserve, then the system is just _fucked._ ”

           Samuel just sat, staring at his grandpa with concern. Dean’s voice was no longer a sad whisper to the wind, but a strong yell, almost wail, as though he couldn’t be content till everyone knew of his absolute grief. Dean had never really told anyone these thoughts, how sickened he was by how wrong his family had been done. Now that he had started, he couldn’t seem to put a dam on the river of his thoughts.

           “What kind of _God_ would let this happen? How could God just stand back and watch as they were given such a bad run? Couldn’t there be an exception to his “mysterious ways” for one _fucking_ instance, just to let the people who _saved the world_ live as they deserve?”

           By this point, Dean was making quite a ruckus, true sobs racking his body. He was grieving as had never done before, because 30 years was a long time to be without the love of his life and the brother that he had promised he would protect. The entire family piled into the door, Samuel’s mother grabbing his arm and leading him out of the room. The rest of them quickly left at Dean’s request, except Lisa. She cooed and soothed him to the best of her ability, but it could never be enough. She could never be enough. She knew this of course, but tried just the same.

           As Samuel was led into the living room, Ben told him to ignore his Grandpa, that getting old made things harder. Samuel tried to let it go, but he was sure that the sounds of his grandpa’s weeping would haunt his mind for a long while. The loud sobs just repeated over and over, broken and grief-stricken. Samuel shuddered as his own name and the other, stranger name were called, over and over again. It didn’t stop till late that night, long after Samuel had finally left his grandpa’s home, thankful to escape the eternal somber haze that hung over the house.

           Samuel wondered if his grandpa would ever be happy again. Or if really ever had been, for that matter. He soon became determined to avenge his grandpa’s losses, though he wasn’t sure just yet what that would entail. He couldn’t know the hell he would be stepping into by joining in the world his grandpa had been such an impact in. That, he would have to learn himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Also at: http://deansleather.tumblr.com/post/146297477998/a-world-alone


End file.
